Today marks a big day, I finally found the urge to work more than just an hour or so per day on my project. Something shifted, but I am not sure what exactly. Probably something to do with my bank account. This also happens to be the day 50 milestone, not sure why I want to address this milestone, but hey: here we are.
I spent about six hours iterating with Codex and Google’s Nano Banana 2 on image generation for the storybook. The earlier outputs were crappy and I needed it to be like one of the best storybooks available. Somewhere in there I noticed I’d been at it way longer than any day this week.
I was sitting in stillness for about 30 minutes yesterday and it made me think. Thinking is hard, as it is easy to fill up any stillness with consuming.
It made me realize I was living a scarcity mindset regarding my bank account. Not spending, trying to keep costs down instead of just earning more and spend unapologetically. This led to another realization.
I was playing defense instead of offense. I forgot about making money. Once I saw what I was doing, I had to ask where the energy to play offense was going to come from. I realized it comes from needing money. Not from vision or from discipline. But instead from seeing the bank account.
The story I have been telling myself that I need a purpose in what I am doing and that something has to be meaningful to work on is all BS. This realization made me insecure. In the end my shrinking bank account is what really makes me start moving. What is this really about?
Key Insight
Having a grand vision and purpose is nice, but when push comes to shove, earning an income is what really drives me. I didn’t see it until I finally sat down in stillness and reflected on my internal motivations.